Entries from July 2008 ↓

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I recently won a radio contest. I’m not sure why, but I find that a bit embarassing, and I blush a little every time I say it.

BUT ANYWAY, I won, and it was a great prize: a Supreme Pamper Day at a local Spa Seekers establishment. And let me just tell you, this is a fantastic day, at a choice of really nice spas. And the radio station (Southern FM, if anyone is interested) even threw in £30 travel money!

As I live about an hour away from Brighton, and it’s a convenient drive, I opted to redeem my voucher at the Landsdowne Place Hotel in Brighton. Their spa is beautiful, and the staff really set out to make me feel welcome.

Upon arrival, I met Sam, who informed me that she was my beauty therapist for the day. Each beauty therapist has her own treatment room, so being assigned to Sam for all my treatments meant I basically had my own private room for the day. Sam gave me a quick tour of the facilities I’d be using (the ‘Relaxation Room’, complete with sauna, steam room and open showers, and the women’s ‘Locker Room’, where I was given my own locker [although that word seems far too crass when you realise it was a full-size cupboard, with a hanger for my clothes and a shelf for personal items and tall wooden lockable door] and shown where to change and the toilet that was accessible there. I had been warned to bring swimwear (necessary for access to the sauna or steam room, if that’s your sort of thing — I’m not good with too much heat myself — but also just so you feel more comfortable roaming around the place) and Sam told me to change into that and then put on the lovely, thick, white terrycloth robe provided. She instructed me to return to the Relaxation Room (this is the drop-off and pick-up point for clients, and a place to rest, read a magazine, have a drink — instant coffee, numerous teas and water were compimentary all day — etc.) to wait for her to come get me.

When Sam came for me, we went to her treatment room, and my day began. We started with a full-body scrub. (Paper knickers were offered instead of swimwear, but you can wear that, or indeed your own underwear, if you feel more comfortable. Or you can go entirely without if you prefer since you are always covered with multiple towels and all the therapists take great pains to make you feel secure and comfortable.) This was done on a heated table with sea salts, that come in three varieties. (All the products were from the ESPA line, and they are available on the company’s website.) Mine was ‘Relaxing’ and I definitely did that while being scrubbed all over. Sam was really great, and we chatted while she worked. I asked a number of questions and she answered very knowledgeably and thoroughly. She was really good at putting me at ease.

Once my scrub was finished, Sam explained to me that she’d go out for 10 minutes, to allow me to shower off the salt. (There is a shower room as part of each treatment room, complete with shower gel and shampoo and conditioner as well.) Once I was cleaned and robed again, she came back in to change all the salt covered towels for clean ones. (I remarked that they must spend a fortune on towels, and she assured me they do!)

Then I got back onto the table and it was time for a full body massage. Sam asked how I like my massage, which meant how much pressure. I opted for firm, as I have a lot of tension and knotted muscles in my back and neck.

One word of advice here — don’t say ‘firm’ if you don’t really want it. (And you can always change your mind if the pressure is too much.) I knew what I was asking for, and I really wanted my muscles loosened, so I was okay with that. She really had to work hard to get at some of the muscles, especially as it had been a year since my last massage. (I plan to go more often now!) Sometimes the pressure was a bit painful, but the relief afterwards was tremendous, when she was able to work out some of those muscle pains. With any massage, unless you go very regularly, it’s normal to have some soreness afterwards, because muscles have been manipulated in ways that you are unused to. Most of my soreness was in my neck, which tells you a lot about where my tensions focus is!

A full body massage is just that, back and front, neck to soles of the feet, even your fingers get massaged. By the time I was on my back (you start face down) I was so relaxed I could have gone to sleep. Taking her cue from me, Sam only spoke to tell me when she needed me to move, as I was in a place where I had no desire to say anything!

Once the massage was done, Sam moved straight on to a full facial as I was in a perfect position to do this. The warmth on my back from the heated table while she worked on my face, neck and décolletage was absolute bliss! The facial involved numerous scrubs and treatments, and smelled wonderful. I can’t remember when I’ve ever been so relaxed in my life! Scrub, massage, facial is a treatment list I’d recommend for anyone who needs to really relax.

After my morning treatments, I had been promised a ‘light lunch’. (I told my husband this would probably involve a few bits of fruit, a lettuce leaf and a cracker. ) At 12:30, I was escorted to the hotel’s restaurant — in my robe no less! But I was assured that ‘all the guests do that’ — and offered their ‘day menu’. LIGHT? HA! There were ‘lighter bites’ listed, but when you’re told to “choose any two courses” and promised a drink as well (which can be soft drinks, juices or indeed house wine), it’s hard to think ‘light’! I opted for a starter (As I’m basically allergic to sugar desserts are usually a no-go, and I was told I couldn’t deviate from the offered menu. But honestly, I don’t think you’d need to. There were about a half dozen starter or light meal options, the same sort of number of main meals and four desserts.) and a main meal. I had fish chowder to start, which was creamy and full of big chunks of salmon and other fish, and a burger for a main. The burger turned out to be a large, thick patty (seriously, must have been a half pound of meat) on a bun that had been toasted on the grill, with a mound of ’shoestring’ chips and a rocket and pepper salad. Oh my god! It was fantastic food, and the staff was very polite and eager to please. I really did feel pampered after all that!

The day wasn’t over though. My Supreme Pamper Day included painting of fingernails and toenails as well. Sam came to get me from the Relaxation Room again, and we set off to the manicure station. I got to choose two colours of polish (This is apparently the thing now — toes and fingers have no need to match, and it seems a lot of women are choosing subtle fingers and stronger coloured toes, and that’s the route I went as well.) and she set to work. Again she was very good with chatting with me, answering questions about products and such, and it was very enjoyable. Once all was complete, she took me back to the Relaxation Room to dry, and she told me to enjoy the rest of my day. (I was allowed to stay until 17:00 if I wished and make use of any of the facilities.) In the end once I was completely dry, I was really wanting to go home and sleep! I felt very relaxed, and definitely pampered (as it says on the tin!), and I was ready to call it a day.

I found out online that this package costs about £165, or £175 on Friday and weekends. As I went on a Friday, my day came into the higher slot. But, honestly, SO WORTH IT! If you have that sort of money to drop on a spa day like this, I cannot recommend it highly enough. I’m just so grateful to have had a day like this, especially as it’s something I wouldn’t necessarily think to get for myself. But I may again in future! They also do gift vouchers, so you can give such an experience to a woman who wouldn’t think to do it for herself.

Incidentally, I did ask Sam if men went to the Spa for treatments as well. She assured me that they often have as many or more men than women (and later in the day, I did see a couple who was there for treatments together) as many companies send men to the hotel on business, and include a visit to the spa in the package.

This particular spa also features two ‘dual treatment rooms’, where two people go together — whether friends, family members, couple, whatever — and receive their treatments in the same room, each from their own beauty therapist. The only thing I think could have made my day any better was doing it with a friend, so this is a great selling point.

They also sell the full range of ESPA products in the spa itself. They are not cheap, but everything feels terrific, smells good and is made of all natural ingredients. Plus they put a lot of research into the development of really good products, so worth looking into.

I honestly cannot recommend the Lansdowne Place Hotel Spa, or its staff, highly enough. Everyone was wonderful and seemed so intent on giving me the best possible experience. If you are lucky enough to be able to be able to take advantage of a Pamper Day, or even an individual treatment there, definitely go for it! I can assure you it’s an experience you won’t soon forget.

When things haven’t gone my way — if I have an embarrassing moment or a fight with a friend or family member, for example — I have this habit of replaying the whole scene in my head. More than once. Vividly.

Like a movie scene, I can run the experience through my head over and over, hearing every nuance, seeing everything that happened. It can be torturous.

But honestly, I don’t do this to punish myself at all. Although the memories often make me cringe, that isn’t my goal, to make myself fee worse; The reality is, I keep replaying the scene in an effort to change it somehow.

Now I know you can’t change the past. I do get that. But in my head, I keep thinking that maybe it wasn’t as bad as I think. Maybe what I said didn’t really sound that bad. Maybe I didn’t actually say that last, really cutting, remark. Maybe I didn’t really drop that plate and break it to bits.

I know I did. And I know that replaying it doesn’t change it. But it’s just such a hard habit to break. Before I know it, I’ve hit the mental rewind button, and here we go, watching it all over again.

A big focus of my life at the moment is balance. Not too much, not too little, finding the middle line instead. So, I’m not trying to cut out ALL of my replaying. I’m just working to keep it to a minimal amount.

And be a little kinder to myself about my failings in general.

I wrote a few weeks ago about losing my sense of normal with regard to developing asthma late in life. What a difference a few weeks, and the right medicine, makes!

I’m due back at the asthma clinic on Monday, and I can’t wait to go. I’ve had such a dramatic turnaround that my husband is actually questioning whether I truly have asthma or not!

I know however. Some things are different — hills and stairs cause me to get a bit out of breath no matter what I do. And I react to environmental factors: dust and certain perfumes can be debilitating.

BUT. I have rediscovered ‘normal‘.

I have been doing my walking, and crazy person that I am, I’ve decided to start running. Now running for me is not as exciting as it sounds. For me it’s run one minute, walk five to recover, and then run again. But I’m doing it. Regularly and consistently, and I’m building on my progress.

And during my run/walk/run cycles, there is a set of stairs on my regular route. (I run on the seafront promenade which is minutes from my house.) And, no matter what I’m supposed to be doing at the time, whether walking or running, I always run up those stairs. Just to show them I can. Stairs have been my nemesis since this whole saga started, and I’m not going to let them beat me!

Nor will I let asthma beat me. It’s been a long road back, but I’ve found normal again. And even if I lose for a time again, I know it’s there and I know how to get back to it.

That is worth a lot.

Every parent thinks their baby is bright, their child is special. But mine are. Truly! And parenting a child who is intelligent is, in my opinion, a much more daunting prospect.

When my first was born, I was determined that, unlike my mother, I was not going to say ‘because I said so’. I was very careful, whenever he asked me why, to explain all the reasons in as full a manner as I thought he could understand. So what did he do? As soon as he was old enough to figure all this out, he started arguing all the reasons I should do what he wanted instead of what I felt was best. I, foolishly, went along with this for a while, arguing my reasoning back with him, to which he’d counter argue and so on. Eventually, exhausted by the process, I found myself saying to him, “Look, I am the parent, and it’s my job to make these decisions. I have to make the best choice I can in the situation, and hey, it may even be the wrong one, but I can only do my best. And you must abide by my decisions because you are my child.” And then it hit me, that was a very fancy way of saying “Because I said so.” Terrific.

When my second child came along (also bright, of course) I found myself saying more often, “I’m sorry but that’s the way it is. I have to make the decisions and this is the one I’m making.” Still an elongated “Because I said so” but better in my opinion. And if they ask me to explain why, I will. However, I’ve had to be very clear with my oldest child, now a pre-teen, that ‘the why’ is not an avenue to negotiation; He can disagree all he likes, but the decision will stand.

Having said that, I do allow my children a chance to explain if they think I’m wrong. NOT to wear me down — No means no! — but to show me their side if they think either I didn’t ‘get it’ or else that my reasoning is faulty. Sometimes they’re right, and I change my mind.

For example, my oldest child wanted a later bedtime. He is 12 now, and he felt his bedtime should be later. I didn’t want this because I felt he his bedtime was age-appropriate. He said he really felt that he could handle it and wanted me to think about it again. So I let him explain, and he pointed out that he doesn’t seem to need as much sleep as some other kids his age, and he really wanted some uninterrupted time after his brother had gone to bed, so ‘me time’ for him without his younger siblings buzzing around, and only a half hour separated their bedtimes at that point. I thought that was a reasonable argument, so I did change my mind, and gave him a trial run on it. So far he’s been right, and the later bedtime stands.

These kids are definitely smart, and if I’m not careful, they can get the better of me. Not only do I have to make the best decisions possible, I have to out-think him the best I can as well!

The out-smarting thing is definitely important in my relationship with my middle son. He is slightly under-motivated in certain areas, like reading. Let me just say here, in my family we are Readers. (Capital letter intentional!) My husband reads a lot (both books and copiously on the Internet), I read every spare moment, and my eldest child is a prolific reader as well, although he came into it a bit late. Back to the middle child, so NOT a reader. He can read, and do it well. He just doesn’t seem to enjoy it. (I still have hope though — his brother was 10 before he started to read for enjoyment.) So, being good parents of a bright child who needs a bit of scholastic pushing, we got him a library card, took him to said library and watched while he checked out books. We instituted reading time, where we all read at the same time, and then we would quiz him afterwards about what he’d read to be sure he was taking it in. He answered the questions, but we noticed that, over time, the amount he was getting through in the allotted time was growing astronomically! Hhhmmmm… Yep you probably guessed it, the stinker was skimming chapter titles, learning the main character’s names, and then reading the last chapter so he could tell us how it ended! Sneaky!

And now we come to the third child, this one a girl. She’s not yet three, so you’d think I was off the hook with the smart thing, right? You couldn’t be more wrong. Not yet three and she knows all her alphabet, colours (even down to obscure ones like ‘beige’), numbers to 12 and she can talk rings around all of us, using very sophisticated vocabulary to do it! It doesn’t hurt that my mother-in-law quit her job as a teaching assistant to keep our daughter from the age of 6 months, but trust me, the kid is bright. And, oh joy, we are to the ‘Why?’ stage of nearly-three. I have explained why about everything from the need to wear socks under shoes, to the justification for her going to Nanny’s house while the boys and I go elsewhere everyday, (Even though she loves going to Nanny’s and wouldn’t really want to go anywhere else!) to the reason that people have belly buttons. Believe me, I have explained just about everything there is to explain! And still she asks ‘Why’!!!

As an aside, I once asked her why she asks ‘Why’ all the time. Her answer? “I don’t know, I just have to.” Profound that.

In my experience, parenting intelligent children is an exhausting and introspective process. I’m continuously having to think about how I talk to them, how to explain things from their perspective (You try explaining the British legal system to an inquisitive six year-old!) and then review how I’ve dealt with them. I’m also trying to think ahead to how the systems I put in place today may turn on me tomorrow! It’s definitely never easy.

But worth it? Oh yeah. Just talking to these wonderful small people who have fresh and amazing insights on the world, who never run out of things to tell me and who regale me with yet a 14th chorus of ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star’ (that’s the little one, mind, who knows all the words and doesn’t seem to understand when a song is over) is a wonderfully enjoyable experience. I just have to remember that during the times when the constant chattering and singing drives me crazy.