For the Men in our Audience: Dealing With Crying 101

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I hate to cry.

My mother, bless her, is a cry-er. She cries when she’s angry, she cries when she’s sad, she cries when she’s moved, she cries when she’s happy. Do not misunderstand me — I love my mother, very, very much. I also know this thing about her, and I’m honest about it.

I have never been and never wanted to be a cry-er. I look awful when I cry (red face, runny nose, swollen eyes — NOT pretty) and I feel pretty awful while doing it. I feel better afterwards, but I’m still not good at it.

Now it is a woman thing. We honestly can’t help crying sometimes. ESPECIALLY if a woman has ever had a child. That hormone thing is real and it’s weird. And we can’t help it!

So why is it, when nearly every 2nd person on the planet has to do the crying thing sometimes, that men are so flummoxed by it?!

My husband hates it when I cry. Now he’s known me, been with me, lived with me, for more than a decade now. And yet every time I cry, it’s like this totally baffling (and irritating) experience for him. Do they not cover this at men school?

If you’re a guy, let me give you a small piece of advice. (And trust me, this will take you far, with the ladies I mean.) When a woman cries, this is what she wants: 1) Have a sympathetic look on your face, 2) put your arms around her and hold tight and 3) this one is your choice — either rock slightly with her in your arms, or make soothing noises (words like “It’s okay”, or “I know” or other similar phrases are great), or heck, BOTH at the same time. You can even rub or pat if you feel so moved (BONUS POINTS), but these aren’t totally requisite. The first three, non-negotiable. Must be done.

The sympathetic look doesn’t have to be real. You can fake it. Trust me, we don’t care. We just want to see it. We want to believe you get it. That you understand. You don’t. You probably can’t. You are a different species, after all. On some level, we know that, but when we’re crying we want to believe you get it. Don’t make any other kind of face, even if you’re feeling it inside. Feed the fantasy.

The hugging thing scores major points. Don’t walk away, (or worse, run) although we know, again at some deep level, that you want to. Don’t pretend you don’t hear us sniffling or sobbing. Don’t suddenly get absorbed in a fascinating article on the Internet. Approach and hug. Believe me, it will have payoffs for you. This is worth doing.

As for the sounds/rocking, we don’t know why we need it, we just do. It just helps. Don’t tsk. Do not, under any circumstances, roll your eyes. Do not sigh. Rock or make soothing noises, or do both. (Depends on a) how believable you can be with the noises and b) how much credit you want for this!) That’s it. Don’t improvise and don’t let us know you don’t really want to do this. It will go much better for you if follow these rules, believe me.

Now there may be a woman out there somewhere who doesn’t like this. But chances are, even if it’s not how she wants her crying to be handled, she’ll still appreciate the attempt.

So do us, and yourself, a favour. Ignore your natural instincts. Follow the three rules as laid out.

And then our crying will be over sooner, and you will benefit from being seen as such a “wonderful, understanding man”. See? Everybody wins!!!